بِسمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Allah, in the name of, the Most Affectionate, the Eternally Merciful

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Psychological Problems of Dual Personality, Guilt and Sexual Behavior

 

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Question:

Aslam U Alakum Mubashir Sahab.

Dear sir, some how i came to kitab ghar website and at that place i saw your course. Personality development . Shaiksiat sazi. These days i my life is in phase of exploration. although it is too late because i am now 32 years old even then i want to develop my self-according to Islamic teachings. My personality is full of negativity, depression, anxiety and every possible moral, psychological problems.

I saw the books and became interested. There is no option on the website to download these books. Can you please guide me how can I download these book. Alternatively if you can send me all these book in PDF. I will be really thankful to you.

Best regards

A Brother

September 2010

Dear Brother

Wa alaikum us salam wa Rahmatullah

It is a pleasure to receive your email. It is never too late to explore. Masha Allah you are 32 having half of your life to get benefit of what you are exploring now. One should explore throughout his life. I'm 36 and every day try to learn something new and improve myself.

This book is a collection of articles written from time to time. Every month, I add more articles to it (now a days in the English Version only). Therefore, it is not available in a complete book format. Although you can download individual articles in PDF format.

I'll appreciate if you can introduce yourself in detail. Please feel free to share your views, problems etc., if it is possible for you and you consider it appropriate. I can also share my response on it.

Remember in your prayers

wassalaam

Mubashir

Aslam U Alakum Mubashir Sahab,

Thanks a lot for your reply. I am really happy and surprised to see your reply and so kind attitude. Infact I was not expecting not such a kind reply.

I would like to introduce myself in detail if you can spare some time to read my email.

My name is -----. I have two kids (Alhamdulila). I did Masters with distinctions. I am working with a multinational company.I have visited number of countries either for courses or to perform jobs. Countries I have visited are Qatar, Saudi Arabia, UAE, Malaysia, UK, and France.

This is one aspect of my personality, one can say it is very bright and successful. But the other aspect of my personality is totally dark.

My childhood is full of miseries, depressions, frustrations and this became part of my personality. I was always pushed for good marks in class and environment was very strict around me. There was always restriction towards opposite sex. Due to this I started growing two type of personality. One face of personality was very good. Everybody was thinking that I am very good student, with very good character and very obedient son, loving brother and loving kid. But second part was very horrible, I start to get affection towards sex and start to make crimes (sins). Anyways I started to grow with dual personality. The awareness of sins and bad act is always with me right from the start but I was not having control on it. Due to these conflictions in thoughts and actions my personality became scattered.

When I started professional career I decided not to go on this side and to extent I controlled it although I did not start praying regularly.

In 2005 my life had have a drastic change because of two events, first event was my marriage. Second even have great impact on whole of my family. Right after few month of my marriage I lost my two brother in 2005 earthquake. After this incident I remain in state of unconsciousness for almost one year. My belief towards life were changed I started praying regularly. I started to practice religion in my life.

After one and half year of this incident I had a chance to perform UMRA. After umra the life again started to change and started get away slowly from prayers.

My wife was not living with me until the start of this and in start of last year somehow I got indulge with the same dual personality and again had committed a sex related sin. And that was the beginning of all kind of troubles with. It started a war between my mind and heart. Soul was shattered.

One day at work I felt that I am having an heart attack, I rushed in hospital emergency. They checked and said there is no symptom of heart attack. Then it started every day. I visited all kind of doctors, Neurologist, Neurosurgeons, Cardiologist, Chiropractic. Everybody was diagnosing different diseases. I started having fear of death, fear of Lungs cancer, Heart attack, brain tumor, etc.

Finally I started to visit Psychiatrics, I remain under treatment for almost 9 months but instead of curing, it worsened. So after 9 months I decided to quite the treatment and I did that.††

In the mean while I started to visit different people (So called Pirs and saints) then I came to know that how they are thieving faith and believes. Here I did another mistake (in fact Shirk e Azeem), During this phase few of my friends took me to a saint and they asked me to perform a sajda (prostration) for him because they were thinking that he is the part of Allah, unfortunately I did although I was aware that it is wrong. During all this phase, I was aware that this is all due to my sins and right from the beginning of this phase I came back to Allah and asked for forgiveness, but Mentally was not satisfied.

In the end of last year situation was so worsen that I decided to quit job and go back to home and stay there. Because I was thinking that my end time is going to happen any time. I packed everything and went back to Pakistan. Somehow my colleagues and office management was aware of my mental condition. They were also about firing me. In the mean while company offered me rotational job in field because of one of my friend. I accepted the offer because I was thinking that due to rotational job may be I would be able to heal myself. In start of this year when I came back after one month leave. I started feeling better and company did not remove me from my previous job.

These days I am feeling better but still some time the problem broke out in my mind and heart and fear comes out. Like yesterday I felt pain in my chest, I donít know what was the cause but automatically I came to the conclusions that it is due to heart attack and I was having fear of death.

Although I am in better position now but still I am looking for solution. Could you please advise me what should I do in this situation.

I think I have wasted lots of your time but hopefully u did not mind it. If you can bear I want to write more ÖÖÖ..

I am afraid you would probably not like to even contact me that after listening this bad character....

Best Regards

A Brother

Dear Brother

Wa alaikum us salam wa Rahmatullah e wa Barakatuhu

How did you assume that I would not like to contact you after reading this story? I'm open to read even extreme things. Your case is mundane and normal.

I've noted the following positive points in your personality:

1. You have a strong alive sense of right and wrong. If this sense is alive, deviation from the right path is only temporal. The conscience forces you to come back to the right path. Masha Allah, your conscience is not only alive but it is active and energetic.

2. You have a proven track record of leaving the sins and remorse over your past conduct. If you can do it once, you can do it many times.

Based on the information you've shared with me, I think that your main problem is "feeling guilty beyond normal limits". Your extra-ordinarily active conscience continuously reminds you for whatever happened during past. This self-reproach affects badly on your physiological processes.

If I've correctly diagnosed the problem, the solution is very simple. As mentioned in the Holy Quran:

قُلْ يَا عِبَادِي الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنْفُسِهِمْ لا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعاً إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ.وَأَنِيبُوا إِلَى رَبِّكُمْ وَأَسْلِمُوا لَهُ مِنْ قَبْلِ أَنْ يَأْتِيَكُمْ الْعَذَابُ ثُمَّ لا تُنْصَرُونَ. (-5439:53)

Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. "Turn to your Lord (in repentance) and bow to His (Will), before the penalty comes on you: after that ye shall not be helped.

In the light of these verses, utilize the time provided to you by Almighty Allah and repent. Try your best to maintain your repentance. If you feel that you are not successful in maintaining your penance at some time, do it again and again and keep the spirit of remorse alive in your mind.

Regarding the sins related to sex, if you keep this sense of repentance alive, it will help you in preventing yourself for making a habit of sexual deviations. Now you are 32; once you'll cross 35, you'll feel that the sexual desire comes in your control. Allah does not require us to remain sin-free throughout our life. He expects us only to TRY OUR BEST to be obedient to Him. If we do something wrong and feel ashamed of our act, even then His doors are always open to us. We should do our best in getting rid of these sins and build a strong link of remorse and repentance with our God.

I'll strongly advise you to keep yourself away from such so-called saints and spiritual leaders. They are nothing more than religious robbers. In order to control your emotions, a few suggestions are as follows:

1. Try to keep your wife with you. She can help a lot in improving your matters.

2. Try to keep company with good and sincere friends.

3. Self-hypnotism is a nice tool to help you control your emotions which lead to sins. You can see its details at:

http://www.wikihow.com/Perform-Self-Hypnosis

http://www.mindtools.com/stress/RelaxationTechniques/SelfHypnosis.htm

You can also meet some hypnotist to learn this practice.

If you come for U'mrah again, do pay me a visit. I live in Jeddah. Although I'm not a geologist but I've a strong interest in this subject because I love our planet earth. So I can learn valuable things about earth from you.

I do not publish personal affairs of people on my website against their desire. If you allow me to publish these emails without mentioning your name, it may be helpful for other people. If you'll not allow, I'll not publish anything at all.

Feel free to share if you have any further question. Don't care about my time. I've plenty of time for people who are committed to make an attempt to travel on the road to God.

Remember in your prayers,

wassalaam

Mubashir

Dear Brother Aslam U Alakum,

I would again say thanks a lot for a detail reply. Yes, u are right i feel guilty feeling. That is the problem and last year i was over stressed with job because my job is related to the real time operations. Stressed environment together with guilt was the cause of the problem. Psychiatrist diagnosed it Panic Attacks. I am trying to overcome this problem. I will also check the link provided by you and try to follow the instructions.

The Quranic verse you mentioned below is in my knowledge before and i always try to make myself understand that Allah Subhan Tallah will forgive me. But this does not affect my mental condition.

Since last friday i again promised myself to come back to the path and from last friday i have again started to pray five time. But somewhere inside my heart i am having a fear that i am a very weak person and that can be cause of future slip from the track again. Can you suggest any solution for this? so that i can be strong this time to keep continue my action on the straight path. I am trying to repent and i want you to be my witness on the day of judgment in front of Allah.

Somehow i have a habit to read books, and for reading my interest is always to read Islamic books but unfortunately i am not able to understand the direct source of Islam, i mean Quran and Ahadees Books. Because of this most the books i read so far were in Urdu language. Last year i realized this fact badly so i decided to go for Islamic education. For this purpose last year i visited an institute for BA in Islamic studies.They told me to participate in online course. I have been registered for BA Islamic studies, first semester of this course will start in the first week of September this year. Medium of instruction will be English.

I also downloaded you Arabic course for Level 1, it seems to be more easy for me because its in urdu. I think i will start from your Levels. For this purpose time to time will contact you.

Also i have downloaded all of five units of Tameer e shaksiat from your website and finished reading of first unit. I found it very useful.

Just pray for me so that i can proceed for all these studies.

I will wait for your reply....

Thanks. May Allah Bless you.,

Wasallam

Dear Brother

Wa alaikum us salam wa Rahmatullah e wa Barakatuhu

It is a pleasure to receive your mail. May Allah grant you persistence! I'll definitely be a witness on the Day of Judgment for you, if Allah required that.

Regarding persistence, it is good that you are conscious. The best solution is to involve you in setting some small goals and achieving them. For example, set a challenging target according to your abilities that you'll completely read some book in X time, or you will pray five times a day for one week.

On accomplishment of that objective, celebrate it by performing some Nafl prayer and spending some money on needy and poor. (Don't pay to professional beggars but focus on the people who work hard but donít get enough to support themselves.) After achieving one objective, set the next one. These achievements will keep you motivated. It is also very important to keep a good company. Keep in touch with good people.

Many thanks for considering my writings helpful. Feel free to share your views on them. Insha Allah, by the end of Level 5, you'll feel yourself very comfortable in Arabic. I need your permission to publish these Q/A on my website for benefit of others. I'll omit your name and other confidential details.

Remember in your prayers,

wassalaam

Mubashir

Dear Brother Aslam U Alakum,

Thanksa lot for reply. You can publish these on web without my details.

Regards

مصنف کی دیگر تحریریں

Quranic Arabic Program / Quranic Studies Program / علوم القرآن پروگرام / قرآنی عربی پروگرام/سفرنامہ ترکی/††مسلم دنیا اور ذہنی، فکری اور نفسیاتی غلامی/اسلام میں جسمانی و ذہنی غلامی کے انسداد کی تاریخ ††/تعمیر شخصیت پروگرام/قرآن اور بائبلکے دیس میں/علوم الحدیث: ایک تعارف ††/کتاب الرسالہ: امام شافعی کی اصول فقہ پر پہلی کتاب کا اردو ترجمہ و تلخیص/اسلام اور دور حاضر کی تبدیلیاں ††/ایڈورٹائزنگ کا اخلاقی پہلو سے جائزہ ††/الحاد جدید کے مغربی اور مسلم معاشروں پر اثرات ††/اسلام اور نسلی و قومی امتیاز ††/اپنی شخصیت اور کردار کی تعمیر کیسے کی جائے؟/مایوسی کا علاج کیوں کر ممکن ہے؟/دور جدید میں دعوت دین کا طریق کار ††/اسلام کا خطرہ: محض ایک وہم یا حقیقت/Quranic Concept of Human Life Cycle/Empirical Evidence of Godís Accountability

 

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