Assalam o Alaikum,
I am a religious-minded person but engaged in a big dilemma. I hope you will advise me in solving my problem which is ruining my family life. I got married in 2009 and my wife is beautiful and caring. She takes care of our home, children, and my parents very well. The problem is that she got weight after giving birth of our child and does not look attractive and as a result, I do not enjoy sex with her.
I work in a multinational company where the environment is not Islamic, women wearing sexy dresses, jeans, sleeveless shirts, capris etc. Although, I want to be faithful to my wife but feel attraction towards such ladies. One of them even seduced me and want to make me her boyfriend. She already has one but she wants to break with him. She is very attractive and told me that she is willing to marry me. I want to marry her but I also do not want to hurt my existing wife. Please suggest what to do.
Wa alaikum us salam wa Rahmatullah
This is a common problem faced by many people in our society. As you have mentioned that you are a religious person and take care of God’s commandments, so please think about the following points:
1. You should remember that your wife is a great gift of God for you who has provided you peace of mind. She is very caring to you and your family, you should also return the same to her in a manly way.
2. Also remember that sensual attraction is a temporary matter. It is possible that if you marry the lady in the office, she may also lose her figure in a couple of year and you might have to look for a third lady at that time.
3. As you are a religious person and apparently, the lady in your office sounds not a religious one from the details provided, it is highly likely that problems may arise after your marriage with her. She may want to do something which may not be acceptable to you or something from your side may not be acceptable to her. As a result of that, quarrel may start at your home which will completely ruin your life.
4. Sexual attraction is a temporary matter but “peace of mind” carries more weight than that. If you will marry the lady, your first wife and children will be in a great trouble, and eventually you will completely lose your peace of mind for the whole life. After a few years, your children may not recognize you as their father and that time will be extremely painful to you.
Therefore, I shall strongly advise you to not consider the option of marrying or even dating with your colleague. Tell her humbly that your personality does not match with her and you have responsibilities of another lady along with your children.
In order to satisfy your sensual pleasures, I shall advise you the following:
A. Try to control your gaze as much as possible.
B. In the long run, try to switch your job. There are many companies in Pakistan where the work environment is not like the one in your existing companies. Women who work in such companies dress in a modest way.
C. Ask your wife to join some ladies club and engage in some physical activities e.g. gym or sporting activities. Ask her to control her diet, try to reduce her weight and become sexually attractive to you. Sometimes, weight increases due to disorders related to hormones. If that is the case, you should take her to an endocrinologist.
D. You can buy some good-looking sexy dresses of latest fashion for your wife and ask her to wear them in front of you. It will satisfy your aesthetic sense and you will not be inclined to see other women. Many modest and religious ladies do not wear such dresses because they consider them forbidden from religious aspect. The Quran asks women to not disclose their beauty to other men but they are highly encouraged to do so to satisfy their husbands. So you should ask her to satisfy you in that sense.
E. Women in our society, especially the religious ones do not actively engage in sexual activity due to taboos widespread in our society, and sex becomes a cumbersome process for them as they are not enjoying it. You should train your wife on that aspect. When she will start enjoying sex with you, it will increase your pleasure immensely and you will be more inclined towards her rather than looking towards attractive women in your office. I shall advise you to read the following books of a renowned psychologist and also give them to your wife for reading. These books will groom both of you in enjoying your life.
I wish you a happy family life.
Muhammad Mubashir Nazir
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