Brother I have a question that:
If a mature, practicing and married Muslim man, who has beard and knows all basics of Islam also very well know that adultery is one of major sins, but due to following his Nafs he willfully did adultery with a prostitute by paying her demanded money and he enjoyed it many times in many different forms. although he did repentance for many times but again he did adultery after repenting.
Now he is feeling guilt and fearing to face ALLAH, even he feels guilty while talking to his wife and due to this issue now he do not feel affection towards her and try to avoid her. Although both love each other and she is a very good Muslimah and she does not know any thing about his sinful activities.
So now what he can do to resolve this issue? Is he still on faith and within circle of Islam? Is she still in his nikah? Will he be punished on the day of judgment? And how he can over come his feeling of guilt? Because some times he even thinks to kill him self instead of living this sinful life as he is cheating with all ALLAH, himself, his wife and the society.
Please help for seek of Allah.
Note: I learned about you from one of my friend, he is fan of your website. also plz. add into below question that, he is a real person and my close friend, he shares every thing with me. he told to me that he committed adultery many times with many different girls, he lost his lots of money in this activity and now he want to leave this evil sin, but he do not know that how he can overcome and control his nafs. he asked me for help but i do not know that what should i do for him, therefore I am asking you with a hope that you may be help him.
Assalam o alaikum wa Rahmatullah
Regarding your friend, a few points should be considered:
1. He should read the Holy Quran to seek the solution of his problem. In the Quran, it is clearly mentioned:
قُلْ يَا عِبَادِي الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنْفُسِهِمْ لا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعاً إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ۔
SAY: “[Thus speaks God:] “O you servants of Mine who have transgressed against your own selves (by committing a sin)! Despair not of God’s mercy: behold, God forgives all sins – for, verily, He alone is much-forgiving, a dispenser of grace!'” (Al-Zumur 39:53)
وَالَّذِينَ إِذَا فَعَلُوا فَاحِشَةً أَوْ ظَلَمُوا أَنْفُسَهُمْ ذَكَرُوا اللَّهَ فَاسْتَغْفَرُوا لِذُنُوبِهِمْ وَمَنْ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ إِلاَّ اللَّهُ وَلَمْ يُصِرُّوا عَلَى مَا فَعَلُوا وَهُمْ يَعْلَمُونَ۔
And who, when they have committed a shameful deed or have [otherwise] sinned against themselves, remember God and pray that their sins be forgiven – for who but God could forgive sins? – and do not knowingly persist in doing whatever [wrong] they may have done. (Aal Imran 3:135)
2. Feeling guilty on sins is good as it helps in repenting but feeling too much guilty that leads a man to suicide is a Satanic trap. It means that in order to get rid of one trap, one entangles himself into another one. So try to convince your friend that whatever he has done in past, if he repents, Allah will definitely forgive him. It is a guaranteed promise in the Quran. There is no need to commit suicide.
3. Any person who commits a grave sin, remains still in the circle of Islam. If he repents, he becomes completely purified. However, if he does not repent and insist on that sin, then he’ll be held accountable and his matter is with Allah.
4. Due to adultery, there is no impact on the marriage contract of a person. His wife is still his wife. Anyway, he has violated her right by engaging with another woman. As a matter of sincerity, he should have his medical checkup before establishing sexual relations with his wife so that if he is infected by some disease like aids etc., she might not be affected. There is no need to confess with her as it will unnecessarily tease her.
5. Now the question of getting rid of such sin in future arises. In my opinion, he should think about himself to identify the reasons behind it. Why does he engage with other women? Is there any problem with her wife? Does she gives him sexual satisfaction? If the answer is yes, then there is no reason in engaging with other women. If this is not the case, he should take his wife in confidence about his overwhelming appetite and ask her to make herself available whenever he has a sexual arousal. If he is fully satisfied with that, it would be highly unlikely that he might be engaged with a prostitute.
Secondly, he should reduce his diet up to some extent in order to reduce his sexual desire. If he goes for optional fasting without eating too much on breaking the fast, he would be able to control his desire.
Please feel free to contact me should you want to discuss this (or any other) issue further.
Muhammad Mubashir Nazir
Don’t hesitate to share your questions and comments. They will be highly appreciated. I’ll reply as soon as possible if I know the answer. Send at firstname.lastname@example.org.