I read about your writings through internet and came to know about your website. I was very happy to read that you help a lot with your advices and stress management techniques to solve any sort of problem. When I read about some posted queries, I got a thought that you would be the best person to take advice who knows much about Deen and Duniya. I hope that you would spare your valuable time for me and answer my mail.
I am working with a small amount. I am suffering in this company because of salary, as I could not fulfill my basic needs. I am suffering from extreme level of depression and intolerant to the misery, which I am suffering from. Health wise I am suffering from irritable bowel syndrome since childhood. Psychologically, I am totally disturbed as I am leading a life, which is dual in nature. I am very honest and obedient person in my parents and friends view, but I am leading a life of a gay who has been sexually abused by some guys in the past.
I got habituated with that act, though I try a lot to stay away and repent in front of Allah I commit the same sin. In this regard, I took advice of Maulana Hakeem Akthar Sahab, Pakistan, who told me to avoid seeing men and women and to avoid all sorts of things, which leads to self-eroticism or sodomy. But in this regard, when I follow his advices, it would be hard to lead a normal life as I could not offer five times of namaz because I am also suffering from urinary incontinence. This year I planned to improve my qualification but the problem is money.
In short, I want your advices in problems, which I am facing as you can think all the pros and cons of my situation and advise me with your best ability. I want answer to the problems given below:
1. How to get rid of my financial problems and get a good job with handsome salary.
2. How to get rid of homosexual nature and psychological problems like anxiety, depression, and physiological problems.
3. How to face my family members as they are looking for a chance to destroy me and my parents’ life.
4. How to lead a good life by satisfying my wife and taking care of all the needs of my family.
5. How to perform salath regularly and become closer to Allah.
6. How to get good qualification so that I can earn a good post in a company with a handsome salary.
I am very much thankful to you if you can spare time and answer all my queries and ask Allah tala to guide in every aspects in life.
Thanking you in advance.
Wa alaikum us salam wa Rahmatullah
It is a pleasure to receive your email. I’ve read your story and am very sorry about your circumstances. The good thing is that you are conscious to get rid of these problems. I’ve experienced that if a person is determined to face the adverse circumstances bravely, Allah helps him in coming out of that situation. It is only a matter of time. You should do the best of your effort. Insha Allah, your problems will be resolved. Bear in mind one thing. Allah makes you accountable to do your best to avoid sins.
My advice is appended below under your questions:
1. How to get rid of my financial problems and get a good job with handsome salary?
Ans: I think that your bond with the employer will not be for an unlimited period. If it is, it may be against the law. The employer may not be able to proceed against you legally. Hopefully, it will finish in a year or two.
Try to save some money during that period and improve your qualification. I’ll strongly advise you to discuss your possible options for additional qualifications with the people who are already in that field. Discuss with them the possibilities in each career, then decide to go for the option that suits the best for you under your financial position. You can also do that in phases.
I’ve heard that outsourcing industries including call centers are growing rapidly in India. If you can get a job in a call center, your earning may increase and you can save more money to enhance your career.
I had similar financial problems but I got rid of them only by adding more qualifications. So I’ll advise you to make a 2-3 years plan to enhance your qualification and get rid of your current position. Till that time, concentrate on your existing job and try to satisfy your employer. Try to build a relation of trust so that they may release you early before the end of bonded period.
2. How to get rid of homosexual nature and psychological problems like anxiety, depression, and physiological problems?
Ans: I think your psychological as well as the physical problems are linked with homosexuality. Hakeem saheb may not have advised you to avoid all people. He may have advised you to avoid the friends who are homosexuals.
I’ll advise you to associate your mind with Allah. Try to spend some time (even 5 minutes daily) in which you establish your one-to-one relation with Allah in loneliness. Confess your sins, seek forgiveness with tears, seek prayers and ….. never lose you hope in Allah. It is a matter of time. In a few years, you’ll get rid of that habit.
Since you are in medical profession, you can get help from some sexologist to improve your habit of sexual orientation. In India, medical profession is much advanced and you can easily find the one.
A sister has given some advises for that issue. You can read and follow the instructions:
Your anxiety and depression will improve once you’ll also start progress on financial side. Don’t expect success on both financial and medical sides coming in leaps and bounds. As Bill Gates said: “Success comes initially on an ant’s feet but when it comes, it has elephant’s feet.”
3. How to face my family members as they are looking for a chance to destroy me and my parents’ life?
Ans: It is a very hard problem. First of all, your 5-minute one-to-one relation with God will help you a lot in resolving this problem as well. Avoid your insincere brothers and sister. Try to convince your parents to also avoid them. If you can find a better job in another state, convince them to sell their house and go with you in the other state. If that works, don’t share your whereabouts and contact numbers with your insincere brothers and sister.
Search for some good person who works on prevention of magic spells without taking any money. Be aware that there are many who seem to be religious but actually they are hidden satans. So keep your eyes open and evaluate the person critically. Don’t trust anyone because he looks like a Baba / Bazurg.
4. How to lead a good life by satisfying my wife and taking care of all the needs of my family?
Ans: I’m not sure whether you’re married or not. If not, I’ll advise you not to marry until you resolve your financial issues otherwise it will open a door of new problems. If you improve your financial and physical position in next 2-3 years, you can think about marriage. Since you are just 23 now, your age for marriage will not pass.
5. How to perform salath regularly and become closer to Allah?
Ans: Due to urinary incontinence, religion does not prevent you to perform prayer. Only thing you need is to keep an extra trouser with you at your place of work. At the time of each prayer, wash your private organs and change the trouser. After prayer, change it again. An alternative is to use the pads which women use during menstruation. In that case, you’ll not need an extra trouser. All the urine will be absorbed in it. At the time of prayer, you can take it out and keep in a hidden place. Then put it on again after the prayer.
If some urine comes during the prayer, it will not affect your prayer. It is written clear cut in the Quran, “Allah does not make a person responsible beyond his capacity.” (Al-Baqarah 2:286)
I know that it will be a little hassle to change the trousers / pads every time but try to do it as much as you can. If at some occasion, you cannot manage that, pray in whatever condition you are. Allah will accept your all sincere prayers because you have a genuine reason for that.
All regulations of Shari’ah are applicable under normal circumstances. If a person is suffering from a problem, Shari’ah rules are relaxed for him.
6. How to get good qualification so that I can earn a good post in a company with a handsome salary?
Ans: See No. 1 for details. The only way to get a better job is to improve your qualification. This will require a consistent effort for next 2-3 years.
Feel free to discuss should you need any help.
I usually publish the question/answers on my website to help others facing problems similar to you. Since your problems are very personal, so I’ll not mention your name. Please advise.
Remember in your prayers once you are one-to-one with Allah.
Muhammad Mubashir Nazir
Assalumalaikum Mubashir bhai,
I am very much grateful to you that you have responded to my mail, and answered my queries with your best ability. I believed in Allah (SWT) and your ability. Believe me bhai, from the day I sent you my mail I was praying to Allah Tala to bestow you to one of the best advices, which would be useful to me, and Allah (SWT) has fulfilled my desire. I am very much thankful to you brother.
When I mailed to you I was one of the most depressed person in this world who do not have anyone to share his grief and pain but with Allah’s mercy I got you as my elder brother who has guided me to the righteous path. And I wish that Allah (SWT) will forgive me and bestow me to be your neighbor in Jannat-ul-firdous because I don’t want to lose my elder brother, my well-wisher, to whom I found after much struggle.
I have started working on the advices, which you have given to me and I ask you to pray for me that Allah (SWT) bestow me the ability to overcome all the hurdles and problems in my life.
Finally, I have a request brother that please, do not publish my letter as it is very personal and many of my friends and colleagues read your website, and they would easily come to know about me. So please do not publish my query on your website.
Wa alaikum us salam wa Rahmatullah brother
Thanks for your email and kind comments. Keep me posted for any development.
Don’t worry. I don’t publish any personal information for any of my readers including names, address, very personal circumstances etc.. Only the content which may be helpful to others is published for their benefit.
Muhammad Mubashir Nazir
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