My mother is looking for a bride for me. She has identified four of my cousins whom I know already. Can you please guide me how could I select one of them?
Wa alaikum us salam wa Rahmatullah
I cannot tell you exactly which cousin to select for marriage but I can tell you some useful procedures.
1. On Excel, prepare a detailed list of your likes and dislikes, priorities, factors considerable for marriage etc. The more it detailed, the better. You can get help of the internet for generic list of such factors. This will be your criteria for selection. Examples are religiosity, caring attitude, attitude towards family, beauty etc.
2. Give marks from 1-10 for each factor based on their importance to you. For example, if piety is very important for you, give it 10 marks and if caring attitude is moderately important for you, give it 6 marks.
3. In the next columns, assign one column to each potential girl.
4. In each column, give score to each girl from 1-10 based on her matching with such criteria. For example, if a girl is excellent in caring attitude, give her 10 marks. If you do not have much information about them, try to get this information through your mother, sisters etc.
5. Select the one that matches the best to you. Do not expect anyone to match 100% or even 90%. It never happens in life. Any girl matching above 70% will be good for you.
6. If possible, send this sheet, obviously blank to your selected girl and ask her to do her analysis in the same way. This will help you in getting her concerns, likes and dislikes. Also communicate your concerns to her so that she knows you before making any decision.
7. In all this process, you should be very decent in your conversations. Never ask the girl to meet you in solitude. It is better to communicate through email with the consent of yours and hers parents.
The most important thing in marriage is that both partners match with each other. According to the Hadith, piety of spouse must be No. 1 priority. Definitely, the Hadith is applicable to that person (like you) who gives religion importance in his life. If someone is not interested in religion, then this factor of religiosity is not important at all. He will look for other things like beauty, wealth etc.
I hope this detail will be helpful to you. If you have any question, please feel free to discuss further.
Muhammad Mubashir Nazir
Don’t hesitate to share your questions and comments. They will be highly appreciated. I’ll reply as soon as possible if I know the answer. Send at firstname.lastname@example.org.